4 years

Four. It’s been four years that the hubster and I have been parents. Four years since our little family changed so significantly that I can hardly remember whay it was like to not have kids.

Oh, wait. Yes, I can! We’d go out for dinner, unworried about taking our time, because there was no babysitter to pay. We’d spend 8 hours in a coffeeshop, talking, reading, studying, peoplewatching. We’d sleep in until 11am on a Saturday, with no urgency go anywhere or do anything. We could eat dinner literally at any restaurant we wanted, nomatter if they served mac and cheese.

And then Gabby was born. No longer were the days of unscheduled day trips. Going more than one place in a single trip meant getting her in and out of the carseat multiple times. But you know what? As much as I am exhausted and frustrated by the constant needs of children, I am totally amazed at how much I love these kids.

For a person so tiny to be so demanding and every day I forgive her. If an adult asks me to repeat myself more than once, I freak the freak out, and sometimes the kids get yelled at for that one, too, but I don’t obsess about it for hours and want to murder them. Every “extra” cent I have is spent on clothes and necessities for them, and yet I don’t consider them greedy or ungrateful.

And in terms of the hubster and I, it’s not like having kids completed us in any way. We had them not because something was missing, but because we thought they might just add to our lives in some mysterious way. Frankly, I just wanted Christmas to be fun again. I was tired of the old, “This is what I want for Christmas, now let me pretend to be surprised when you buy it for me” game. Because the hubster is an emotionless sociopath, I thought it would be cool to have kids who would be excited about things with me. I never realized that there would be so much more.

The hugs, the “Mommy, I love you”s, hearing them emulate me when they are playing with their dolls, asking me to join them on their adventures, watching Gabby’s face in reaction to Disney World. These are the things I didn’t anticipate.

There’s also the annoying stuff, the baths, the bedtime routines, the pooping in the little potty… but the good stuff defintiely outweighs the bad. I’m so glad we decided to embark on this journey called parenthood.

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