More stuff the noise machine said

Hey, remember that time I confessed that I heard a robotic voice that says weird phrases to me when the noise machine is on in the kids’ room? Click here to reminisce with me about my crazy.

Me attempting to be terrified

Me attempting to be terrified

It is still happening. Not as much as in the past, since I’ve been spending less time rocking the kids, but still… It hasn’t gotten much better. Here are some of the latest sweet nothings it has been whispering to me in the dark.

  • One percent is yours. One percent of what you crook?!? I don’t owe you anything.
  • Don’t you have to potty? No, but thanks for asking. I’m a big girl. It’s called a toilet.
  • When you’re right, you’re right. Now you’re talking! You’re starting to make so much sense.
  • Bedtime for littles. Right on, noise machine! It sure is. I like it when you agree with me.
  • I need your flavor. Getting scared again. I don’t know if I want this thing talking to my kids. Nor do I want them being tasted by it.
  • Maria-ria. That’s not my name. Is it channeling ghosts now? You guys! I’m freaked out.

Not only am I terrified, but I feel like this freak show should have a name if I am going to publicly acknowledge that it talks to me.

Update (03/23/15): And her name is Maria-ria. Val, you are the winner!!! Send an email to so I can get them to you. Thanks for playing!

Frustrating Night

As I sit here rocking my writhing baby who is pulling my hair, scratching my face, and screaming at me, it once again occurs to me that I need to breathe. 
Breathe in, breathe out. Okay, that’s a little better. I am always on a time crunch these days. We have to get out the door, I need you to get to bed at a decent hour, we have to get home… On and on. 
So I take another breath. In and out. And I remember that if I can just calm down and stop being so stressed out, they will too. If I stop fighting them at every pass, maybe they won’t push back so often. If I say yes more and no less, they will need to challenge my authority less. And stop yelling. 
So I take another deep breath and she falls asleep. I look at her face as she snuggles into my arms and kneads her blanket with her hands and my decision is made. I’m not in a rush. We can slow down, take breaths and stop yelling. 
And we can just enjoy each other. They can be kids. For as long as childhood lasts.

Every Day is the Same

“Yeah, I’m making a mess at 7am. Wanna fight about it?”

I am SO over the morning routine.

I think the morning is even worse than bedtime.

Add potty-training to the mix and the mornings are just 2.5 hours of arguing with a toddler and pulling an infant out of harm’s way… all before I even have to go to work. Most days, by the time I get to work, I am sweating, harried, and disgruntled from all of the running around, organizing and nagging I have to do.

I could probably reduce some stress by preparing the night before, but who has the energy to do that?!?!

In addition to all the arguing and resistance to do the same things they are required to do EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. there is the mess-making and insanity-inducing repetitive singing of a two-year old. I actually feel like I am going crazy some mornings after hearing, “ABCDEFGHIJKABC!” over and over and over…

And Lillian’s scream is something to behold. It will stop you in your tracks. One of her teachers at daycare goes out of her way to avoid known triggers for her outbursts. I can’t avoid them. Diaper changes = screaming. Putting on a coat = screaming. Getting her in the car seat = screaming, I would almost prefer hearing Gabby incorrectly sing the alphabet at maximum volume.

Serenity now. Serenity now. Serenity NOWWWWWWW!

Half-birthday Update

6 months old and sitting in a chair!

Happy half-birthday, Sweet Lilly-girly! At the 6 month mark, Lillian is army crawling, pushing up onto her knees, teething like a MONSTER, and sweet as pie.Complete strangers are constantly commenting on what a happy baby she is. She even smiles first thing in the morning when I go into her room to free her from her crib. 
Lilly’s stats:
16 lbs 6 oz (64th percentile), 27.5″ (94th percentile)
She is long and lean, and loves to be in motion. When I am holding her, she is always wiggling her way out of my arms. She is just really ready to bust some moves. 
Hold me. I’m soon going to be chasing two of them…