More stuff the noise machine said

Hey, remember that time I confessed that I heard a robotic voice that says weird phrases to me when the noise machine is on in the kids’ room? Click here to reminisce with me about my crazy.

Me attempting to be terrified

Me attempting to be terrified

It is still happening. Not as much as in the past, since I’ve been spending less time rocking the kids, but still… It hasn’t gotten much better. Here are some of the latest sweet nothings it has been whispering to me in the dark.

  • One percent is yours. One percent of what you crook?!? I don’t owe you anything.
  • Don’t you have to potty? No, but thanks for asking. I’m a big girl. It’s called a toilet.
  • When you’re right, you’re right. Now you’re talking! You’re starting to make so much sense.
  • Bedtime for littles. Right on, noise machine! It sure is. I like it when you agree with me.
  • I need your flavor. Getting scared again. I don’t know if I want this thing talking to my kids. Nor do I want them being tasted by it.
  • Maria-ria. That’s not my name. Is it channeling ghosts now? You guys! I’m freaked out.

Not only am I terrified, but I feel like this freak show should have a name if I am going to publicly acknowledge that it talks to me.

Update (03/23/15): And her name is Maria-ria. Val, you are the winner!!! Send an email to so I can get them to you. Thanks for playing!

Sleep Training… My White Whale

I was going to have my lovely husband write this post and then I realized that I would be doing you all a disservice by not admitting to the fact that at 2.5 years old, Gabby is still not a good sleeper. 

What would be more useful is the tale of how I screwed up her ability to sleep forever and what I have learned along the way. If it makes you feel better, Lillian is a fabulous sleeper, so if you screw up like I did, just try again with your second kid. The best thing about subsequent children is the ability to see you are not a failure of a parent, you just didn’t know what you were doing as a new parent. 
Because I was home with Gabby full-time for 7 months, I never put her on a schedule. I had no idea how, I tried a few times to just impose one out of nowhere and repeatedly failed. For a type A person, I am not good with routines. When I finally got a job after graduate school and Gabby started daycare, I begged them to help me get her on a schedule. At this point (I hate to admit), she napped sporadically and slept in our bed every night. She had never spent one night in her crib. BIG MISTAKE. 
Daycare got her on a good schedule but the pediatrician and my co-workers looked at me sideways when I said she still nursed all night at 9 months old. The doctor said there was no biological reason for her to nurse all night and since she was starting to crawl it was pretty unsafe to have her in our bed, so we did some reading on sleep training. 
We decided we would try a gentle approach where we would go in to soothe her at ever-elongating increments until she got over it. I lasted about two days before the hubs took over and I drowned out the sound by locking myself in the downstairs bathroom until she stopped. It took about 4 days and we were all good.
For a few months. Every few months ever since we have had to repeat the process. She does now sleep 12 hours at night but by 12 months, she was only napping sporadically and now she doesn’t nap at all on non-daycare days (because she hates me). 
So what have I learned? I started letting Lillian sleep in her crib at night starting around 3 months old. Newborns sleep better on their stomachs (which is why they love to ball up on your chest), so I put her to sleep on her tummy and flipped her over onto her back after a little while. I learned Lilly’s natural sleep schedule and then reinforced it. I learned to put her to bed when she was tired, which was for a long time 6pm. It was sad for me to come home from work and put her straight to bed, but we are now reaping the benefits. She is a great sleeper. 
The moral of the story? Do what works for you and your family. Everybody screws up. And if you screw up as bad as I did, you can always try again by having another kid!

Sleep training (?!?!)

Don’t worry, this is a lie. It won’t last more than a couple of hours.
Lillian is in a phase of fighting sleep. It feels like extreme FOMO (fear of missing out) more than teething or anything developmental. She’s exhausted, but she arches her back and yells and turns her head while nursing… All just to stay awake. 
So tonight, I brought the laundry upstairs and put it away while I let her fuss herself to sleep. I will point out, she never cried – she fussed. It was never urgent and I went in every few minutes to make sure her blanket wasn’t over her face (her favorite “get out of bed” tactic) and she had her Binky. She was ok. Just fussing. 
And she finally went to sleep. It took less than an hour, but she did it. I’m hoping this is the worst we see for sleep training. What a miracle baby. 
Update: She seems to sleep great until around 3am and then wakes up hourly to nurse. Luckily, we started rice cereal this past weekend, so once we really start increasing her solids, maybe she will start sleeping better.

Do not be fooled by your baby

“Look into my eyes, Mommy…” I urge you strongly not to. It’s easy to think these are the eyes of a wired, ready-to-party baby. You would be wrong. This is an un-napped, overtired baby who should’ve been put down half an hour ago or more. 
Do not look into her eyes. She will lie to you with them.