By the time Lillian was born, I had forgotten how difficult dressing a newborn was. The tightly curled legs and arms, the fragility of their tiny bones… Long-sleeved onesies on a newborn were just exhausting for me. In contrast to a toddler who knows how to at least help you get their clothes on, when you dress a newborn, you have to put them into the clothes.
- Watch Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood for
24 128 hours straight.
- Do a week’s worth of diaper laundry all at once.
- Watch Gabby eat whole grapes.
- Allow Gabby to smear butter all over the dining room table. True story, by the way. She was “making Daddy a horsey.”
- Put poopy diapers in the diaper genie and leave the lid open for longer than 3 seconds.
- Allow Gabby to stick her disgusting binky in my mouth.
- Stand at the bottom of the staircase while Gabby comes down all by herself.
- Take a nap while the kids are not napping, only to be woken up every 7 minutes by a slap in the face and a child saying, “Mommy, you woke up!”
- Eat Gabby’s leftovers (half was probably already in her mouth).
- Eat Lillian’s leftovers. Have you tasted baby food recently? Everything tastes like pears.
- Pay an exorbitant amount of money for daycare so someone else can put pants on her.