By the time Lillian was born, I had forgotten how difficult dressing a newborn was. The tightly curled legs and arms, the fragility of their tiny bones… Long-sleeved onesies on a newborn were just exhausting for me. In contrast to a toddler who knows how to at least help you get their clothes on, when you dress a newborn, you have to put them into the clothes.
Fast forward 7 months. I have a 2 year old who runs from me naked because she thinks it’s funny when she pees on the floor and a 7-month old who doesn’t want to be put down while simultaneously wanting to writhe, kick, and roll off the changing table.
Pants are worse than anything else because as soon as I get one leg on, she rolls or kicks as I am getting her second foot into the other leg and the first leg comes off. Back to the drawing board…
So, I thought a list of 11 things I’d rather do than put pants on Lillian would be pretty easy to write. Here we go!
- Watch Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood for
24 128 hours straight.
- Do a week’s worth of diaper laundry all at once.
- Watch Gabby eat whole grapes.
- Allow Gabby to smear butter all over the dining room table. True story, by the way. She was “making Daddy a horsey.”
- Put poopy diapers in the diaper genie and leave the lid open for longer than 3 seconds.
- Allow Gabby to stick her disgusting binky in my mouth.
- Stand at the bottom of the staircase while Gabby comes down all by herself.
- Take a nap while the kids are not napping, only to be woken up every 7 minutes by a slap in the face and a child saying, “Mommy, you woke up!”
- Eat Gabby’s leftovers (half was probably already in her mouth).
- Eat Lillian’s leftovers. Have you tasted baby food recently? Everything tastes like pears.
- Pay an exorbitant amount of money for daycare so someone else can put pants on her.
One thought on “11 things I would rather do than put pants on a mobile infant”