Tag: working mom problems

Why Having My Kids In Daycare Is Emotionally Draining

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It all started when I went back to work when Gabby was 7 months old. She had never been away from me and was so attached that I did my best to NOT walk the 200 steps over to the daycare multiple times a day to make sure she was ok. It was good for her to not be ripped from my arms so often. It was the right thing to do.

But the act of leaving meant that I was missing out on the best part of her day.

I’m not saying that she wasn’t happy to be home and with her two loving parents. I’m saying she used up all of her good, happy time at school and had nothing left at the end of the day. We, her parents, had nothing left at the end of the day. And so it seemed pointless. And when it feels like there MUST be a better way, and you don’t change what you’re doing, you enter an emotional vacuum.

It gets better and it gets worse. With Lillian, I DID go to see her during the day a time or two when I could because I wanted to watch her play and hold her when I was having a bad day. She handled me leaving better, because my coming and going was a constant and she started daycare when she was 13 weeks old. But she is a child who needs a lot of sleep. Her bedtime for the first year was 6:30 PM. I literally got one hour with her after work before I had to rush her screaming, exhausted body to bed. Nighttime nursing was as exhausting as it was a comfort to us both.

Sad Lilly

We were all getting a raw deal.

It’s really no different now. I get excellent reports from their teachers:

“Gabby is the first one to follow directions in the whole class.”

“Lillian hasn’t had any meltdowns this week.”

This is the complete opposite of my experience and I know why. Home is their safe place. They know Mom and Dad love them unconditionally. So, when they get transferred back into my care, the listening ears shut off and the meltdown floodgates open because they are tired. They are tired of learning, obeying, following instructions, and being told what to do. They need a release. And I completely get that.

But I still resent missing out on the best parts of their day.

Just a thought on: The ideal number of kids

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I was reading a message board thread on BabyCenter.com yesterday (how I got down that rabbit hole, I have no idea) about how people can afford a third child and one of the responders said something to the effect of…

When you have two kids and they are fighting, you then have to manage two whining kids. When there are three, most of the time two kids are happily playing together and one is left out. It’s less being outnumbered, more a levelling of the playing field. 

This perspective absolutely blew. my. mind.

It’s so true! I remember from my own childhood having an older brother and a younger sister. We would either all play together or play in a pair, with one person doing their own thing. Lots of times my sister and I would play and my brother would do his own thing. There were plenty of times when my brother and sister wrestled while I turned the family bookcase into a library.

Now if we can just win the lottery, we can start talking about that third kid…

Third child?

Daycare: Getting Us By For Just A Mere One Billion Dollars

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Nope. Not sleepy at all.

Next month, it’ll have been 2 years since we have been living the two-working-parents life. With no family nearby, we had to make the extremely difficult decision to send our precious baby to full-time daycare. It is not easy to go from being with a baby 24/7 to only seeing her 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours before she goes to bed. That was a rough transition.

However… Remember that time I wrote about how I am a Type A person with no ability to stick to a routine? Without daycare, I never would have gotten Gabby on any kind of schedule. What I learned with Gabby was to let the daycare teachers set her schedule and then just stick to it at home. I had a much easier time with Lilly. Also, those ladies know how to guide an infant toward toddlerhood. I have gone to them time and time again to ask for advice on how to get my kids to sleep (because even when they are giving me a hard time napping at home, they just go to sleep like little angels at daycare), how to get them to eat, what is developmentally normal, etc. It’s like asking a pediatrician, but I don’t have to make an appointment because I am there every single day.

Then there are the transitions. Daycare teachers who stick around are doing it because they love what they do. The pay is awful, benefits are minimal, and the work is exhausting. Most daycare teachers are waiting for a “real” teaching job and are only there temporarily. I’m assuming this is not as big of a problem at the pre-school and pre-K levels, but with infants and toddlers, there has been a near-constant shuffle of caregivers for my kids. Lilly is on her third lead teacher in the infant room and Gabby is on her third in the toddler room (and she had two different teachers when she was in infants). That is a lot of transition for a kid who needs to feel security and comfort if she is to be away from her parents all day.

Then there is the bill. I do feel that the quality of care our kids receive is worth the money. It is just really difficult to me to “take home” negative dollars while my kids are in daycare. By the time Lilly is in Kindergarten, we will have paid more than I owe on my student loans. If I were to stay home with them for the next 4 years, I couldn’t guarantee that I could find a job locally – especially with the awesome boss I have and state benefits. It is worth the money. It is worth the sanity. There aren’t enough story times at the library to keep me from losing my mind from spending that much time away from adult topics of conversation.

Daycare. I love it. I hate it. I don’t know what we would do without it.

6 signs a kid (or two) lives here

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  1. Top-level kitchen organization.

    It doesn’t even seem right that our kitchen counter should look like this. We have TONS of cabinet space. But when a toddler needs a drink, you damn well better materialize a cup from thin air (and it had better not be an OLD cup – better known as a cup from an hour ago). Also note the bottles and bottle accessories. This is also where we store the kids’ medicine. I know you’re jealous of my organization skills.

  2. Blankets covering every square inch of the couch.
    It’s covered in stains, but what I can’t see can’t hurt me. 
  3. “Babies sleeping” in odd places.
    Imagine my horror when I walked into the kids’ dark bedroom and stumbled into this. For all I knew it was a dead burglar. 
  4. Potty seat hanging on the wall.

    How fancy are we that we have a special hook in the bathroom just for hanging the potty seat? Please ignore the filthy sink and 1950 tile job. We will probably move before the bathroom ever gets updated (or cleaned, haha).

  5. All the no-no items are up high.        No not the breakable things, we don’t have any of those. I’m talking about the iphones, laptops, TV remotes. The items we would not survive parenthood without.  

  6. It’s not sparkling clean, but it feels like home.

Every Day is the Same

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“Yeah, I’m making a mess at 7am. Wanna fight about it?”

I am SO over the morning routine.

I think the morning is even worse than bedtime.

Add potty-training to the mix and the mornings are just 2.5 hours of arguing with a toddler and pulling an infant out of harm’s way… all before I even have to go to work. Most days, by the time I get to work, I am sweating, harried, and disgruntled from all of the running around, organizing and nagging I have to do.

I could probably reduce some stress by preparing the night before, but who has the energy to do that?!?!

In addition to all the arguing and resistance to do the same things they are required to do EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. there is the mess-making and insanity-inducing repetitive singing of a two-year old. I actually feel like I am going crazy some mornings after hearing, “ABCDEFGHIJKABC!” over and over and over…

And Lillian’s scream is something to behold. It will stop you in your tracks. One of her teachers at daycare goes out of her way to avoid known triggers for her outbursts. I can’t avoid them. Diaper changes = screaming. Putting on a coat = screaming. Getting her in the car seat = screaming, I would almost prefer hearing Gabby incorrectly sing the alphabet at maximum volume.

Serenity now. Serenity now. Serenity NOWWWWWWW!

Seven days of fever and going strong

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Does this look like a sick kid to you? When I called the doctor on Monday, they said “fever is a symptom, it doesn’t necessarily mean the child has an infection.” The doctor diagnosed her with a cold and sent us on our way. 
Tuesday, she got sent home from daycare with a 103.2 temperature and they asked me not to bring her back until she has been fever-free for 24 hours (shame on me for sending her with a cold/fever that she caught from some other kid in her class).
Wednesday I stayed home again. Thursday, my husband stayed home and claimed she had a normal temperature. I took it after work because she felt hot to me, it was 102. Friday I stayed with her again. 
Today she reached 102.9 and was running around, playing, eating, acting fine. I know there is nothing wrong with this child. Could she be teething? Could this be a normal cold symptom? I have NO idea! All I know is that neither my husband nor I can afford to miss another day of work. Unfortunately, the daycare won’t take her if her temperature is over 100. My boss is not a fan of telecommuting and I am really at a loss for what to do. 
She’s not sick! Ugh…
Update: It’s a urinary tract infection due to an anatomical abnormality. We will find out more when the doctor gets her urine culture results back. Her renal ultrasound is scheduled for 7/8 at 5:30. Pray for a normal scan!